Sick

 I am so tired. I took some days off work and all I did is sleep and then more sleep. I had my time of the month visit and it was the worst. Maybe it was due to the hormones or maybe it was just pent up unresolved feelings but I have never felt so lonely and sad.

I wasn’t always a sick child but I was cursed with a sensitive stomach. Food poisoning is pretty much routine and cramps are horrendous when it’s time of the month. Whenever I got sick, my mother would scold me. Since I was not prone to fever, I would often get the worst high fever for a whole day and recover by the next day. By worst I meant couldn’t get up by myself or anything worst.

Ah I’m getting sidetracked. I was so used to doing things by myself, it never register to me to ask for help. Whenever I’m sick, I was expected to drive myself to the clinic. I would never ask my mother.

Once, I had a very bad food poisoning and my head was pulsating and everything was spinning. I didn’t make it to the bathroom and vomited everything in the living room. I felt better but then I was dead asleep because of the fever. I was woken up not to go to the clinic but to be scolded at for getting sick and was unable to drive the whole family to a wedding. I just went back to sleep because my heart was broken and I was also sick to death. 

Or even better when I was bedridden for a few days, also dead but I still had to drive myself to the clinic. The only person who was worried and attending to me was the maid. It wasn’t even her job but still I was eternally grateful to her. At least I wasn’t completely alone by myself.

I happened to came across a scene in a kdrama when I was still a teenager where this woman was down because of her cramps and she was alone by herself but this ajumma found her and put on oil and rub her tummy so she could feel better. I felt for the woman. She must have been so lonely. But I also learnt a valuable lesson to rub my tummy when I have my cramps. 

There must have been other incidents that I somehow don’t remember residing somewhere in my brain. But whenever I fall sick I would remember that day in my head. Like the woman in that scene. I feel sorry for myself.