GG

 I’m supposed to be sleeping. But my body clock is all over the place. Maybe it’s actually my body telling my brain something is wrong but like everything else, it won’t listen. I achieved so much these 2 weeks. But to me it is just another day.

I dragged myself to a dermatologist. Not because I have a problem but because I felt like maybe I should pampered myself a bit. It was the most expensive looking clinic I have ever been. I felt out of place just by being there but I am not the old me anymore. Out of place is normal. I understand now why rich people have such nice skin. They have money to do all these. It was costly but worth it. 

I won a lucky draw that entitled me to receive four treatments worth 3k. It was the first time I had ever won a grand prize in anything. The first thing I did when I won was nothing. I didn’t tell anyone in particular and went home to sleep. I had learnt in the past that sharing my winnings means nothing, eventually that realization took away the joy that comes with it. 

I do find relief in cleaning. All I do is clean. Yesterday, it turns out the sink has been leaking all these while and it ruined the whole cabinet. No wonder it was suddenly fully infested with bugs and what not. It means I can’t use the sink at all. A kitchen makeover would cost me at least 15 k and my heart sank with all the small joys I have been collecting.

Last night, the annual cycle performance result came out. In the meeting my bosses congratulated and wished me well. I have managed to get a raise and a bonus. They commented how I have no response because I have no idea what to say. I don’t feel like telling anybody.

Today, to trick my mind into celebrating, I cleaned the house. I removed all the stuff from the cabinet although I have no idea when I am able to have it redone. I went down to sort out all the trash and recycle stuff that has been piling up. 

Doing the kitchen means I have to let go my dream of buying this house back in hometown. Tsk. Always within reach but never accessible. Sometimes I wish someone would just buy me a house and all things are settled. I can’t even get a decent expensive gift from anyone let alone a house. Hahaha. Some people live simpler lives and some are just built different, I guess.

I thought coming back here I would be more exposed to the sunlight. Pale is just not my color. I should try to sleep now and think about how to proceed later. Bye.