Tuesday, 28 March 2017

More

Salam and hi everyone.

I'm feeling a bit down right now. Because I'm broke.

I was late to work today. My first day of being late and I'm unsatisfied with myself for this achievement of tardiness. It's actually the second day I'm late because I'm late on my first day. Hehehe. But I think I did well. It's only my third week and I'm late on the third one. So. yeay!

Some people don't understand what I'm going through right now. I have to commute from my house to work every day. Everyone does it right? But the distance is 35 km. It's taking a toll on me, physically. Not only I'm mentally tired, I'm physically tired too now. The problem with my back is not helping either. Half of my allowance will be spend on the road. What with the fuel price kept increasing and what not. With me having to go for bone adjustment just.... I'm just sad.


I am sad that I am broke. I don't like relying on people so I suffer in silence and having this blog helps in some way because last night for the first time ever in my life, I realized and fully acknowledged (I think) that I have absolutely no one I can talk to. Talking about what and how I feel to someone is.. to me it's wasting my time. I want more. No one can give me more. I can't describe more into words. But people can't give it to me and I know it. So I refuse to let down the walls surrounding myself.

Some people might read this and say how ungrateful I am. Maybe you will think that too. Some would say I demand too much from a person too.. I guess yeah.

Wanna know why I want it so much? Because I know I can. I can go the extra miles to love someone. I know exactly what people need from me. But I'm not gonna give myself away for people to treat me like trash they can discard. I'm too good for that. And I know it.

I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing with my life. I'm certain that I'm not the only one. To hell with people assuming things they don't know about me. I wish I'm living the life they assumed I live. I wish I can go to a bookstore and not just stare at the books I wish I can afford because one book would cost me RM40 minimum but I can't because that's almost 4 days worth of lunch money. I wish I don't have to just look at my favorite brands' website every day and jot it down the ones I like so I can compare each of them and decide which is worth buying and save it in my list of things to buy next month in case I have the extra money to spend on it.

It's a lot nicer if I am actually 'rich' like people say/thinks I am. 

But I'm broke guys. I hope in 10 years I'll be rich (not famous of course) af that I can buy all the blouses from Calaqisya that I wanted for so long.

But first. Patience. The key to everything.

Sorry for the long rant. Till then.

May peace be upon you.

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