Tuesday, 26 April 2016

Do I Still Love my Ex


I'm not supposed to be writing this now. 

You know those late night thoughts that comes creeping in your mind and lingering still even though you ignore it? 

Last night, I was thinking of the future. I had a past that I find impossible to forget, let alone forgive.. I wonder about all things that happened and things to come. Will it get better? Then I stopped. I was trying hard to fall asleep and blaming the shirt I was wearing because it's hot. Sudden realization hits me, it wasn't really my shirt, it was someone else's. He hasn't been in my head for so long. I should have thrown out the bloody shirt. =_=

Since everyone loves asking about him so much. Let us talk about him. Hi you. How's life? Did it get worse or did it get better? Just how long are you going to read this blog. Never mind.

This person. Well, this person is unforgettable. I actually liked him when I knew of his existence. And then I loved him. But things don't really go as we plan isn't it. He broke my heart. That pretty much sums it up. The details don't really matter. 

It is actually pretty weird writing this out. 

You know when you thought you knew someone and the more you try to understand the more disappointed you become? This is it. I never blamed him though. Yeah, he played his part, sure. But I made the decision to stayed on and figure things out. My god, was I wrong. I was wrong about everything. I should have left. 

To tell the truth, this is going to be mean but I forgot how he looked like. I'm just bad at remembering stuff. I'm one of those people who will probably forgot my own wedding date. People expect me to be sensitive about this and here I am trying to live and move on with my life. I tried people, I did and it didn't work out. So get over it. No need for the sympathy, years has passed already.

And you. You wrecked my life in ways you can't even imagine. But thanks for the shirt, I won't throw it because now it's mine. I do hope you're happy though. We're alike in so many ways but I guess I just love the idea of you, not you. Come to think of it, I never really knew you I guess. Well, how can I when you won't let me.

Don't be sad. Don't feel bad. Don't apologize. Stop lying. Stop making excuses. Stop thinking you're fat and that people don't like you because of it. Stop being a coward and take your chance whenever you can. Think first before you do something, what are you, 12? Stop assuming things and ASK. Stop saying things you don't mean just because you're afraid of what people think. Whenever you wanna do something just think of the consequences. And stop reading this blog. You can do it. It's not that hard. I'm just a memory you can delete. Stop reading this blog and I'm gone. If you can throw me away, you can certainly stop reading this blog. 
I promised not to hurt you and I didn't so you can leave in peace. You owe me nothing.

Why do you still read this blog btw? What do you want really? I bet you don't even know what you want. Don't you dare contact me when you have nothing to say. Write me an email or something so I can read everything in one go. Lol. You don't know what's been going on, you would have think it's crazy too. O_O

As to what I want... I want peace. I want people who wants to stay in my life because they want to. I am so tired of being used. I just want people I can be with without having to worry they're going to leave.

I want someone who needs me like this. :D

Instead of just the usual...

My heart cannot take the sorrow anymore. I am old for this crap. I want to be happy.

Do I still love my ex? He will think no. The answer is


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